Philly Airport Teases Upcoming Service Called "Ground Transportion"

While the official press release is expected in the next few weeks, it appears the Philadelphia International Airport's public relations team has begun teasing a new, previously unheard-of service they're calling "Ground Transportion".

Signs are appearing in the still-under renovation 'D' Terminal featuring the upcoming mystery-service. Exactly what the service is comprised of is yet to be determined. And the airport's marketing department are keeping it under wraps. Calls to their press relations hotline went unmade.

Industry veterans and curious passers-by alike have been wildly speculating about just what "ground transportion" might entail. "Sounds futuristic," Berwyn-resident Bart Neembly said. "Maybe like some kind of Star Trek, what's that thing called?"

"A teleport booth thingy," his wife, Tina Neembly, responded.

While a teleport booth thingy would surely grab the public's attention, others insisted a subterranean mag-lev train was in the works.

"A few major airports have experimented with underground mobility systems - Kennedy International has had subway routes since the '60s," said Dr. Kenneth Ho, professor of Aviation Logistics at University of Phoenix, North America's largest private university. "It wouldn't be unusual for Philadelphia to follow that trend, but updated with modern-day bullet train tech. The terminology is a bit unexpected; it's likely a trademarked brand they'll be pushing."

An internet search for "ground transportion" at the official U.S. Patent & Trademark Office website produced no results.

The decision to reveal such a potentially large-scale - even revolutionary - system of traveler conveyance with only a few wall-mounted directional plaques contributes to the confusion. According to John Carlsbad, advertising executive with Vineland, NJ-based Hey, Quit Splashing Me!, LLC., this move doesn't fit with the broader marketing strategy the airport has been pursuing.

"I actually don't understand it. It's either a major misstep on behalf of the promotions people, or it's possibly the most innovative piece of guerrilla marketing in history. I'd liken it to Jesus coming back and putting a Post-It note on a stop sign saying 'what's up yo, I'm back'."

An interesting twist involves the pictoral icons that accompany the wording on the subject sign. They appear to be a taxi and a shuttle bus - the same symbols that traditionally appear alongside the wording "Ground Transportation". It's thought that the identical icons for two distinct services are either the airport's way of throwing people off the scent before the official announcement, or possibly an error on behalf of the signmaker with whom the airport contracts.

Chris Gupp, a business traveler from Miami, expects the sign snafu to be a piece of technological lore one day. "Fifty years from now when ground transportion is the only type of motion in existence, this icon mess-up on the very first sign will be one of those interesting 'Did You Knows', probably bigger than the 'Dewey Defeats Truman' headline."

Eight-year old Dana Spindle took a more innocent approach. "I bet it's just a mess-up of the word 'transportation'." The idea that the 10th-busiest airport in the world, with its 30 million annual passengers and an excellent safety record in today's most accuracy-demanding industry, would incorrectly spell the very word that represents their sole business activity is nearly as adorable as the waves in Dana's long blonde hair.

Today, Dana will be "flying" home to Cleveland. Someday soon, if the Philadelphia International Airport crack management staff can help it, she may be "ground transporting".