My QWERTYiest Post Yet

A friend the other day told me that there are more active blogs today than the total number of humans that have ever lived. Right then and there, in the men's room of that Arby's, I knew what this world could really use.

One more blog.

Allow me to describe my vision for this web journal. You see, my life is not lacking interest. It's lacking your interest. My hope is that by narrating my goings-on, you'll get to know the real me. Keep in mind I'm almost definitely using a pseudonym.

A lot of people correctly say "the only thing lamer than writing a blog is reading one". Shenanigans. The last thing I want you, the reader, to feel is pathetic. Just because you're occupying your finite time on this planet by reading about someone else's life does not make you lame. People read biographies all the time. The Bible, for instance, is the biography of Jesus Christ, and people talk about that book all the time.

Okay. It appears I just compared my zero-day-old blog to the Bible. That might be setting your expectations unrealistically high. What will my blog have in common with the Bible? Check it:

• legible typeface
• an intertwixting of fact and fiction, with made-up words used frequentically
  
• haphazard invocation of the Lord's name
  
• context-appropriate use of the word 'ass'
  

On second thought, this blog will be nothing like the Bible. But to my loyal readers, I make this vow. I promise to write only what randomly comes into my head at arbitrary intervals, with little or no journalistic integrity, while adhering to such inconsistent rules of literary composition it would make Strunk and White in their graves roll over.

I ask of you only one thing. Some day, a crazy wild-eyed scientist or a kid may show up asking about this blog. And if that ever happens, kindly give him the URL? Thanks.