Can't We Still Be 'Friends'?

[johnatron is off today. Filling in is Steve from America.]

"Oh man, I didn't know that. No, I didn't hear about that party/see those pictures from last weekend/find out who just got engaged/learn who's bi-curious now. No way, that's crazy. What? Oh, I see, yeah. No, I'm not on Facebook. I know! I should get one. Definitely by next week. Is that Coors? Another beer? Nadene!"

I've had this weekly conversation for about two or three years now. It's true, I don't have a Facebook page. Should I get one? Probably. Will I get one? By now, probably not.

Am I technologically inept? No way, man. I'm pretty good at the computer screen and keyboard. I can type over three emails per day. Is it some form of anti-socialism? Definitely not. I'm totally into staying up on things with my friends, or yes, I'm in favor of capitalism and free trade, depending on what you meant by that. If anything, as I ripen with age and friends move away, Facebook represents the perfect medium to stay in touch with people spread all over eastern Moorestown. Probably other places, too.

I guess, plain and simple, I've never been an early adopter, and I just missed the boat on this one. Facebook only started to really catch on at the end of my college life. A few of my friends were up and running with their own pages. I guess I would have created a profile too, but our house's internet connectivity was permanently set to "sometimes". Not ideal for quickly alerting* our friends that, once again, we'll probably start playing washers in our front yard around 6 before heading to the Darkhorse, so just look out your window and come down because you have next game. Sorry, you're stuck with Pete again. Odd numbers.

*I'm not sure if that's a feature of or the intent of Facebook. I assume it is one of many.

After college, I just settled into that schedule of work all week, PJ's on Thursday night, Philly on Friday or Saturday, marriage, Birds/Phils on the couch on Sunday, and then work again on Monday. For better or worse, the circle became smaller and the routine became more, well, routine. It's all a comforting sort of thing.

Sure, I have hobbies that I'd be happy to discuss, pictures that I'll show you, goings-on to update you about (we're celebrating Christmas this year!), but unfortunately in this news-by-the-second digital age we live in, I haven't gotten in the habit of updating my peers in real time. Maybe one day the pendulum will swing back in my direction, and all my idiosyncrasies will all of a sudden become trendy:

"Look how environmentally conscious he is with his fuel-efficient car and how he maintains a speed limit that maximizes MPGs!" (I've been known to drive my Civic slow as a bastard for no reason. I just get bored.)

"Sweet retro phone. Throw-back, I like it." (When I buy a cell phone, I always ask for the cheapest, most basic device they have. I'd buy that green Shrek phone with the pre-set numbers intended for kids to call only their parents and, I guess, poison control, but it only has four buttons.)

"Thanks for growing me my week's supply of cucumbers, peppers, and tomatoes! Your garden in your backyard is an excellent way to reduce carbon emissions resulting from needless worldwide food transport where we could simply be more self-sustaining and grow and buy things locally. Plus, your use of compost creates less waste and uses natural fertilizers, and using organic farming techniques with no additives, while encouraging me to eat healthier, will help wean us off our addiction to high fructose corn syrup, which is most likely responsible for our epidemic of obesity and type 2 diabetes." (Dude, I don't have a garden. I go to Acme. Jen has a 5% discount. And your mom brought those over for you.)

But I'm sure I'll never be that cool. Most likely I'll probably just slip into parenthood and have tech-savvy offspring who will be pre-programmed with these twittering abilities. Got to text before you can talk.

So listen, next time you guys want to have a party for the Eagles playoff game or have pictures of Dan in a sumo wrestler costume, just do what we've always done and tell me about it months later. It will be great to imagine how funny it must have been for everyone the first time around.

Steve from America