Let's Use Our Inside Voices Today

My shirt. I'll let you decide if fun has been poked at me yet today.

Even Lou Gehrig went 0 for 4 from time to time.

Look, my head hurts. And not in a good way. I celebrated last night after winning the Philadelphia Museum of Art's coveted Van Gogh's Ear, annually awarded to the person who is most conspicuously absent from the Museum. It takes perfect non-attendance to qualify - I've been in the running five years straight now. The event was hosted at City Hall, in the Mayor's private office. That makes two nights in a row I've slept on Nutter's desk. This is getting ridiculous.

This afternoon I was fortunate enough to receive the Lobotomy, a honor bestowed by pharm giant Wyeth. It goes to the person with a headache so malicious it can only be compared to an orchestra of mutes playing kickball with your skull. You thought the orchestra would be emitting something cacaphonous, didn't you? Then ask yourself this: why would they be mutes? Come on, people. Critical thinking skills.

Your stupidity aside, the award was two Advil, and I couldn't be more appreciative. Unlike the Academy Awards, this isn't one of those "it's just an honor to be nominated" competitions. You either win, or you cry in the fetal position for six hours. Nothing honorable about that.

I feel like I'm always the one talking - what's up with you? Family well?

Crickets, huh? Ooookay. Back to me, I guess [rolls eyes].

Let's see, what's happening this week? I usually have fairly interesting things going on. Monday I have a dentist appointment, Tuesday I'm in Nome for the Iditarod prelims, Wednesday night's my adult Microsoft Word for Beginners class. Slow week I guess.

Hey let's take some calls.

Huh. Not a radio program, I just gathered. This whole time I've been reading aloud.

See TV's The Office Thursday? How funny was it when -- you know what, let's cut our losses here. I'll see you Monday. It's team jersey day, so go ahead and wear, you know, a team jersey.